Have you heard this one?

How many adults does it take to assemble an exersaucer? How many new parents do you need to put together a baby bathtub?

Too bad it’s not really a joke. This is no laughing matter.

We’ve covered batteries and touched on the ubiquitous tiny screws, but now we must bemoan the assembly instructions required for Penny’s accessories.

A little background: we are accustomed to lengthy instructions and the headaches that accompany self-assembled items and do-it-yourself projects. After all, half of our furniture and all of our bookshelves came from Ikea, for goodness sakes! The instructions for our eight-foot tall computer cabinet had 44 steps and took us seven hours to assemble (full disclosure – we had to disassemble it once during the process due to an inverted shelf. Stupid upside down instruction manual…).

We renovated our entire kitchen with professional assistance only from the electrician, plumber and floor refinisher. The kitchen cabinets came in 85 flat boxes and required total assembly, down to measuring and drilling holes for the drawer pulls and cabinet knobs.

So, on a recent, pleasant Sunday afternoon, why did it take three adults 90 minutes to assemble one exersaucer? Perhaps it’s the copious quantity of plastic pieces? Rarely do the instructions come with an inventory list: were we supposed to have one plastic monkey or two?

Maybe it’s the lack of detailed instructions when you need them—such as in assembling the adjustable footing—and too much detail when you don’t. This is a direct quotation, honest to God:

“ALWAYS remove baby from ExerSaucer before folding.” Thanks for the tip.


We could have used such clarity for an earlier instruction:

“Lift tray C up so that upper leg assembly D is hanging from tray. Place the large spring E on the cross center guide F on the upper leg assembly. Place spring cap G over spring E. Compress spring with spring dome until spring cap meets the tray C.”

Got all that?

And why should you need both a flat head and a Phillips head screwdriver, not to mention an electron microscope to see the nano-screws, to assemble a baby bathtub. Perhaps bathing little Penny in our new kitchen sink will do just fine. After all, even though it came from Ikea, no assembly was required.